Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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