Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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