I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
