i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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