i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
