I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
