he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize