Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
