Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!

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(916): View more from California

Michael Bay diarrhea

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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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(323): View more from California

I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw

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(419): View more from Ohio

He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.

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(863): View more from Florida

Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up in a bed of pop tarts

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