So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
