so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
