You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
