based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
