I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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