Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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