When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
