I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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