I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
