I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
