imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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