May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
operation have a gay friend backfired
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
