you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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