I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My ass is underappreciated
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
