There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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