HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
