I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
