I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
