Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
