Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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