the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
