i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
