There is no way he is gay with that hair.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
