talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
