yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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