Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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