I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
