I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
