I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Farmville is her only friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
