Kareoke will never be a sober sport
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
