You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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