i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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