her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
