So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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