The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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