felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
