i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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