I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
