so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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