you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
