He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
