My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
