Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
