I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
