Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
