sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
