In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
