your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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